The Way I See It
by helenpotter94
Summary: Sixth year is going to be crazy; battling sytherins, finding love and having head-splitting visions of the death and destrustion going on outside Hogwarts is just the start. The road to freedom is long and winding. Sirius/OC
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: hi this is my first fan fic. I tried writing this story before but it didn't feel right. So here I am again. Yay! Please leave me a review so I can know how you like it and tell me if you want anything to happen and I'll see if I can work it in. Enjoy!**

Chapter One: Teenage runaway.

"Oh my god!" I screamed, "I can't believe you are doing this to me! This is so unfair!" I was getting hysterical and tears were pouring down my face. I only ever really cried when I was angry or frustrated, when my fish died I shed no tears, me and Bubbles were really close, but when my brother stole my favourite teddy I chased him round the house crying and screaming. My father, he had lost the title of dad at this point in time, walked slowly towards me, his face purple with rage, pointing his finger threateningly.

"Now you listen here, missy" he made missy sound like an insult, he could do that with many words, I believe it was a talent of his. "You will do as you're told as long as you live in this house." He drawled menacingly, I glared back at him. His face was now almost blue, which contrasted oddly with the olive green walls of the hallway, where our fight had progressed to. It had started in the kitchen but there were so many knives within his reach that I moved it to the lounge, not that I had expected him to throw a knife at me, just that there was a distinct possibility he might get so angry he'd threaten me. He sighed dejectedly and his shoulders slumped. "I'm doing this to keep you safe, Natalie. Can't you see that?" he pleaded.

I could see the pain I was causing him in his eyes but I couldn't stand to let him do this. I _had_ to go back to Hogwarts, to see my friends and also actually get a good education. He had calmed down now and his colouring was a little more natural. I straightened my posture and filled my voice with venom. "Fine," I hissed, "Have it your way." He looked surprised and confused until I added, "I'll go pack my things." His face crumpled, I turned on my heel and marched up the stairs to my bedroom.

I tore apart my room packing nearly everything I owned into my trunk, it was lucky that I had my best friend Lily put an undetectable extension charm on it before the summer. I looked around the room that I had called my own for nearly sixteen years. There had been so many memories in this room; the time Amelia and Lily had come over and we spent the entire weekend giggling, eating popcorn and making Noah our slave, he used to fancy Amelia and we certainly used that to our advantage. My once full antique wardrobe; where I had hid once from James who had taken a knife from the kitchen and pretended to be a murderer when my parents had taken Noah out to a school meeting, was empty; my bedside table, where I had hidden letters from my friends for six years so Noah couldn't find them, was a mess; and my queen-sized bed, where we had once fit all seven of us in at once and slept the night through, was a mess of blankets and sheets. I looked at the pictures decorating my walls, most of them were of really good looking famous men, I plucked my favourite photo off the wall; it was a picture of me and my friends standing in front of the frozen black lake at Christmas. James and Sirius were attacking Lily and I, we had been trying to charm James' hair green so I guess we had asked for it, Peter was lying at the front doing a sexy pose with his leg bent and one arm behind his head and Remus had his arm around Amelia who was waving at the camera. That had been the best Christmas ever. I was going to miss my home but I couldn't say the same for the people in it. My mother and father did what they thought were in their children's best interests, I admit, but there was a gap between us, one that was never going to close. Also the fact that I had a demon for a brother didn't help the family issues.

_Speaking of devils_, I thought as I turned to see Noah leaning casually against the doorway, smirking.

"What do you want, Noah?" I asked, exasperated.

He chuckled and his smirk grew even more pronounced. "I just wanted to see how you were going... with the packing, I mean. Want some help to speed up the process?" he sneered, he sounded like a Slytherin.

He was such a git. "Piss off, you git." I spat. He knew he was never allowed on my room, hence the leaning on the doorframe, so I don't know why he even bothered asking.

This comment made him outright laugh and it took all my self-control not to punch the tosser in the face. "oh dear. It seems mother has not done as well as she thought she had with raising you," He scolded, mockingly "To speak with respect. Especially to your elders."

He expected me to speak to him with respect? Was he bloody joking? I simply flicked him a finger, I'd seen muggles doing it lately, and stomped out of my room and down the stairs.

"Have a lovely time sis." The creep called from the top of the staircase, his voice dripping in sarcasm. I put a hand on the doorknob and paused, taking this time to look back over my shoulder at the interior of the house I used to feel safe in. My father was standing in the middle of the hall, his back hunched over and a pleading expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something and I felt a surge of hope. Perhaps he would call my bluff and tell me not to leave and that I could go back to Hogwarts. No such event occurred. He simply closed his mouth, swallowing back the words I desperately needed to hear. I made sure to keep my expression blank as I turned back to the door and pulled it open, walking out into the darkness.

The door swung shut with a snap and I felt my heart throb painfully. I took two deep breaths and looked up at the sky. It was a clear night and I could see a vast blanket of stars. The night calmed me, I felt at peace in the dark. The sensible part of my mind told me that the peace was a facade, bad things happened in the night. Sighing, I walked to the front gates and pulled my wand from the back pocket of my jeans, sticking it out into the laneway. A loud crack echoed through the trees on either side of the gravel lane that lead to the Delano mansion and a large, purple, double-decker bus appeared. It screeched to a stop right in front of me and a young man, who looked around twenty-five, jumped out and stood in front of me, hands on his hips. He was sporting a purple and black bus-boy suit and had a funny-looking cap on his head, which looked suspiciously like a tea cosy. "Welcome to the knight bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard" he drawled in an important manner, "My name is Gregory Perkins and I will be your conductor for this evening." His accent was strange, it was a mixture between Irish and Cockney but also a little Welsh. I was thoroughly confused. "So, miss...?" he questioned when I didn't respond.

I collected myself, "Oh. Err. Delano. Natalie Delano." I stretched out a hand to shake his and he accepted it warmly.

"So where to, Miss Delano?" Perkins motioned for me to enter the bus and I walked forwards hesitantly. It was my first time on the knight bus and I admit I was a little nervous. Perkins carried my belongings aboard and placed them at the nearest bed. I just remembered the question he asked me. Shit. I had hit a roadblock. Where the hell was I going to live?

Well going to family certainly wasn't an option. They were bound to take me straight back home. Lily was in France on holiday and didn't get back until the week after next, Amelia lived in Ireland for the summer holidays, my parents would immediately go to James' house to check if I was there, seeing as he lived closest and we were nearly inseparable during the summer, Peter's mum scared the crap out of me; she was so suspicious, I couldn't put up with Walburga and Orion Black at that moment and I doubt that they would welcome me, as Sirius had run away at the beginning of summer, and I wasn't exactly sure where Remus lived.

"Looks like the leaky cauldron it is then." Perkins nodded and motioned for me to sit on the bed.

"Already on our way there, pet." he began whistling cheerfully and the knight bus zoomed into motion. I flew back against the bed and nearly over the other side as the bus took off at lightning speed. I was amazed that nothing was breaking in the bus. The crystal chandelier hanging from the roof rattled menacingly but did not shatter, all the sleeping patrons stayed in a dozing state and nothing fell from the beds or their bedside tables. I watched as we weaved dangerously through Muggle traffic, almost suicidally.

"The muggles," I yelled above the noise of the wind rushing furiously past us, "Cant they see us?" I assumed even muggles would see a great purple bus zipping its way down the roads.

"Muggles?" Perkins asked incredulously, "They don't see nothing."

I smiled at his appalling use of language and refrained from correcting him, as my mother would have done. She was incredibly hard on Noah and I when it came to our education and the way we spoke. She used to give us lectures on what good pureblood children would say and how they would act. I suppose I could not blame her, it was drilled into her every day by her own mother when she was young. I couldn't help but think how disappointed my mother would be that I had left. We were by no means close as she had always doted on Noah and I had been rather neglected. Not that I was complaining, I liked being left alone, but Noah was the golden child. That boy could do no wrong. He was a Ravenclaw prefect since his fifth year and was now head boy. Mum had put his badge up on the mantel piece so all her friends could see it. Noah got nine O's in his O.W.L's, all except divination, which I got an O in by the way, he got an E and we all expected him to get top scores in his N.E.W.T's to get into healer training. Stupid git.

We stopped abruptly and I fell to the floor. "The leaky cauldron." Perkins called. He helped carry my things off the bus and bid me good night. I watched as the bus took off and whizzed out of sight. I turned to look at the dark, dank pub, which was likely to be my home for the rest of my schooling life, in disgust. Why the hell was I so defiant and stubborn? Because I'm an idiot.

**A/N: just another little side note; I enjoy listening to music whilst I read. So if you're the same I'm going to leave you the name of a song to listen to whilst you read specific chapters **** bye! REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two:

_The room was dark, the only source of light three flickering candles on an antique oak dining table. Hooded and masked figures stood in front of me. They stared expectantly at me, like I was about to speak. "Bring forth the prisoners, Lestrange." A cold, high voice spoke using my lips. Pleasure rippled through my being as the man and his family were brought forward. They knelt in front of me, the children whimpering. "What do you have to say for yourself, Dearborn?" I sneered. The man took a shaky breath and opened his mouth to answer. "Take into consideration," I added; "That if you speak in defiance your family may not be treated very," I paused, pretending to be searching for the right word "Humanely." I drawled, doing everything in my power to make the man before me quake with fear, but he sucked in a deep breath and looked up, staring right into my eyes._

"_We will not join you." He hissed. I laughed, which sent the children into hysterics. I flicked my wand at them and their cries were silenced. _

"_I like you, Dearborn." I purred, "There's room for you in this world. But I'm sorry, there's none for your family." Dearborn screamed in agony as simultaneously three bursts of green light hit his two children and his wife. "Crucio" I cried, attempting to make his pain worse. He slumped to the ground defeated and sobbing. Disgust rushed through my body and I turned my attention back to my death eaters, the half light made their skeletal masks glow eerily. "Remove the Mudblood from my sight." I spat. Immediately three sprang into action and I felt a deep satisfaction. I turned to leave the room and caught sight of my reflection in the glass of the window overlooking the expansive garden. The candles only divulged one half of my face to the reflection. A cold, blood-red eye; high, deathly pale cheekbones; thin, white lips; and perfectly combed brown hair. _

I screamed. Sweat was pouring down my face, my t-shirt twisted and my legs tangled in the sheets. Someone grabbed my hands, pulling them away from me. The pale blue walls, old wooden furniture and red carpet were unfamiliar to me. The other person in the room caught my jaw in his hand and turned my face. Familiar pale blue eyes caught mine and I smiled in recognition. "Remus." I croaked. He merely chuckled as my flailing limbs dropped and a small frown appeared on his brow.

"Natalie," his voice was calm and soothing, "Are you alright? What was that?" his face showed deep concern and suddenly the details of my... vision of sorts came flooding back. I flew out of his grasp and ran out of the room to the bathroom. I am quite unsure of how I knew where to run but my instincts must have kicked in. Either that or I smelt the soap. I pulled back from the toilet and lay down on the cool tiles of the floor.

"Nat?" Remus called from the doorway. He looked quite frightened at this point and I couldn't blame him, I was acting crazy. It suddenly occurred to me that I was obviously not at the leaky cauldron, where I had started, and quite obviously at Remus' own house. For the life of me I couldn't remember how I got there. "Want a shower?" Remus asked tentatively. I nodded and he threw me a towel, closing the door firmly shut on his way out. As I turned on the water pieces of the night before began to flow through my mind as I remembered exactly what had occurred.

I had arrived at the leaky cauldron at around 9pm. Upon entering I attempted to coerce the barman, Tom, into letting me lodge for the night and pay in the morning. I had been having a late dinner at a table when a guy at the bar had started buying me drinks. That's when it all got a little fuzzy. I distinctly remembered dancing to some kind of awful music but had no recollection of Remus ever meeting me. I turned the taps on and sighed when the steaming water impacted on my body, I closed my eyes, relaxing. As soon as the darkness engulfed me I saw the pale face and red eyes of my nightmare. I snapped my eyes open and gasped. I suddenly knew who those eyes had belonged to. There had been rumours flying of a tall thin man in dark robes, determined to rid the world of those unworthy of magic. They said he had a deathly pale face and his eyes were red, stained from the blood he had spilled, that he called himself a Dark Lord. My father had told me about him, during the summer. He was gathering purebloods'' who shared his views, and most of them did, to create a force that could influence the ministry and those who associated with it. There were not many facts about the man and he was keeping well off the radar of the non-pureblood society. It was clear this man was the one from my dream, although it was more a nightmare. I had no idea how I could have dreamed of someone I had never met. Frankly, it terrified me, I didn't want to start having crazy visions of the future. Past. Present? I wasn't completely sure. I pushed it to the back of my mind as I shut off the water and wrapped the towel around me. I found my trunk in Remus' empty bedroom and dressed myself. Nicking one of his hooded jumpers from his chest of draws, I strolled down the stairs and wandered about the house until I came across him. He was sitting in an armchair in the lounge reading a book. I slid onto a seat on the couch, the movement made me a little queasy. I coughed, attempting to gain his attention but he was completely absorbed in his novel. I ended up having to throw a cushion at him, which caused him to jump violently and swear loudly, apparently I had scared him.

"Happy birthday." He exclaimed after he had gotten over the initial shock. I had completely forgotten what the date was and honestly it took me by surprise. This birthday had certainly not been, so far, as good as the last one.

"Err thanks. Yay." I cheered sarcastically.

Remus looked concerned yet again, "Come on Nat, cheer up, you only turn sixteen once." he cried. I winced, the night before little escapade had left me feeling a bit under the weather. He sighed and then shrugged, "I suppose an anti-hangover potion is in order?" I looked at him adoringly, which he took as a _yes, please_ and set off to the kitchen, whilst I lay back on the couch trying to gain a few more minutes of sleep. This was sadly interrupted as Remus came flying back into the room yelling at the top of his lungs, which caused me to cringe at his ungodly volume. "What in god's name are you doing here on your birthday? Why aren't you at home? Do your parents know you went out and got completely pissed last night?" he flung questions at me for five whole minutes before he calmed down and removed the cushions, I had been using as a sound barrier, from my head. "Natalie Athena Delano." He sounded like my mother, "Why were you staying at the leaky cauldron last night?" he asked, calmly. I sighed and felt angry tears spring to my eyes as I told him everything; how my father was not letting me go back to Hogwarts because he was afraid that I would be used as leverage if he was asked to join the Dark Lord's followers; how my mother and father didn't really care about blood but did not want to have to choose a side; how my brother was absolutely gleeful I was leaving the house; and finally how I was without my family, the people who were meant to support you and love you, on my birthday. By the time I had finished my story, tears were running thick and fast down my cheeks. Remus let out a sigh. "Well, you best be staying here then." He grinned at me.

I slept most of the day and received no word from my family or other friends, so I was more than a little grumpy when Remus woke me up in the afternoon. I stalked down the stairs and flopped into a chair at the kitchen table. He laughed at me and I gave him a death glare. "Erm, Remus?" I mumbled into my hand that was holding up my head. "What happened last night? We didn't... err" I coughed meaningfully. _God I hoped we hadn't._ He looked at me bewildered. _And I thought he was supposed to be the smart marauder._ I raised one eyebrow and I swear I saw understanding click into place in his head.

"Oh, no!" he exclaimed, "No no no no no." I sighed with relief.

"Thank god." I groaned.

"Oh, thanks." He said, offended.

"Not that I wouldn't it, it's just that I, erm, don't, erm, it would be bad for our friendship." I clarified. He simply chuckled to let me know he wasn't serious. I sighed again. "So, err, how did I get here?" I wondered aloud. Apparently he had found me at the leaky cauldron completely sloshed, "And the Tom was trying to get you out of the pub, you had caused a fight of some kind, so when you screamed out my name and tackled me Tom threw your trunk at me and told me to get you the hell out of his pub." He smiled brightly at the end of the story and I groaned and buried my face in my hands, shaking my head sadly. It was just typical of me to get thrown out of a pub. It was just another day in the life of Natalie Athena Delano. 

The rest of my birthday was reasonably good. Well, that is if you call receiving no word from any of your friends or family, being homeless and immensely hung over, good. You do? Me too. Note the sarcasm. Ok so I wasn't homeless but Remus' house didn't exactly scream, we have so much space for one more person. Really it was kind of screaming, get out of my house you crazy, alcoholic, bitch! There was no spare room so I was either going to have to share a bed with Remus for the rest of the holidays or sleep on the couch. You can guess which one I chose. Remus had actually bought me a birthday present, the complete stories of Sherlock Holmes, which I was rather engrossed in when the front door swung open and in walked a man. He looked like he was in his early twenties and had the same chocolate brown hair as Remus. From what I could see he was quite tall, around 6'5", and was wearing blue faded jeans, black combat boots and a white singlet that showed off his muscular arms. I may have drooled a little at the sight. I put down my book as he trudged over to the armchair next to mine. He slumped into the soft red cushions and leant his head back, closing his eyes. I cleared my throat. He snapped his eyes open and sat up straight as a board.

"Who the hell are you?" he said, "You scared the hell out of me." I felt his eyes roam over my figure, and settle on my face.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and pleaded my mouth to from words. I was slightly inept with speech when confronted with a handsome man. This encounter was no different. "I'm, err, Remus." I finally managed to spit out after ten seconds of awkward silence. I realised that what I had just said made no sense. I tried again. "I'm, err, Remus', umm, a friend of Remus." There we go; normal human interaction. I blushed, wishing myself out of the situation. Obviously no higher power heard my plea. I mean it's not like I couldn't have a normal conversation with a good looking guy, it was just awkward that I was sitting on his couch and he had no clue who I was. I'm not mentally insane!

"Oh, you're the bird he came in with last night." He exclaimed. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I was pathetic. "Is he a good shag?" oh dear god what had I gotten myself into.

I squeaked in surprise at his bluntness. "oh, erm, no. I mean, wait." I stumbled over my words, trying to get them out of my mouth as quickly as possible. My abilities of speech astound me. "I didn't sleep with him." I mumbled, my cheeks flushed.

It was his turn to blush. "Oh, right sorry. I just assumed." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. We lapsed into an awkward silence, which lasted over a minute.

I was the one to break it, "I'm Natalie, by the way." I had finally found some conversational skills.

"Right," he exclaimed, "I remember you! I was a fourth year when you were a first. Romulus."

"Oh!" I had a sudden flash of recognition. "You were the seventh year James and I locked in a broom cupboard in third year!" I grinned at the memory.

He playfully glared at me, "That was you?" See I'm not totally hopeless! Conversation!

I chuckled and nodded. "I remember Remus telling me you were his brother, but I don't think I ever remembered when I needed too."

He chuckled and shook his head in mock despair. "You guys were little shits back then." He laughed again.

"But you have to admit." I added, "We were one hell of a team of mischief makers."

He shook his head in mock despair. "That you were." He winked and I felt myself melt into the couch. Okay so maybe I am completely hopeless. I attempted to smile flirtingly but I think I just looked like a gremlin.

**A/N: **** IMPORTANT NOTICE ABOUT VOLDEMORT! READ!**

**So the end of another chapter. This one was a bit fluffy but its based mostly on my experiences (with good looking boys that is. I tend to make strange sounds or say thank you at rather inappropriate times). I hope I captured the creepiness that is Voldemort. I understand that most people will write comments on how Big V looked. Now I understand he is bald and has snake-like features in Harry's times, but I believe that he did not always look like that, sure he would have looked freaky but he still would have some human features it was only after he returned that he got the whole snake look down packed. That's my theory.**

**Anyway, enough of that. Pointers? Anything I'm doing wrong? Wanna complain about something? Criticism? REVIEW! **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three:

I sat at the kitchen table whilst Remus made us both tea. It was August 31st and the following day we would be catching the train back to Hogwarts. I had settled in with Romulus and Remus and while I was still sharing Remus' room the boys had transfigured a mattress and blankets for me so Remus could have his bed to himself. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin had died when Remus was young, around the age of eight, so Romulus had taken over as Remus' legal guardian as soon as he had turned seventeen. I did not know the full story but I remembered that they had been moved to many different foster homes before that. Both boys were hopeless at cooking, so naturally I had emptied my Gringotts account and went shopping for groceries and a cookbook so I could earn my keep. They were both supremely pleased with my cooking abilities. I also helped clean when Romulus was out working. I wasn't exactly sure what he did but it seemed suspiciously like a hit-wizard. I could imagine him dressed in a tuxedo and pulling a gun on a bad guy. Maybe I was just fantasising. He did have the body for it I argued. Remus laughed when I told him my theory and suggested I stopped watching Bond movies.

Remus sat down and started staring at me from across the table. He knew I didn't like it when people stared at me so he had a habit of doing so. I was tempted to throw my steaming hot tea in his face and burn his eyes. I was quite violent sometimes. "Excited to go back?" he asked, pulling me from my fantasy of burning. I shrugged, it would be nice to see my friends but I didn't look forward with having to face my brother, who would no doubt tell my friends all about my running away. Sirius had run away earlier in the summer, I didn't want anyone to think I copied. Well actually that wasn't the reason but that's what I had told Remus to stop him from telling. The truth was; I was the strong one of the group, I didn't usually talk about my problems and I helped the others with theirs. If they found out I had issues they would freak out, try to make me talk about it and I would lose all composure. I didn't care it was this way, infact I preferred it, and my friends accepted my refusal. I had found myself this summer, however, confiding in Remus and James. Boys had an interesting way of seeing life; everything was simple and could be sorted out with a fight. Idiots, but it did work I'm sorry to say. They both swore to secrecy and naturally I didn't tell them anything too drastic.

Sirius' escape was a story I had yet to hear actually. The only news I had was when James came sprinting to my house, threw me over his shoulder and took me back to the potter manor to see Sirius grinning like an idiot as he watched James dump me in the pool. James and I had lived next door to each other for our whole lives. We were very close when we were kids but as we hit puberty we had grown apart. Now we were nearly best friends again. I forgave him for ditching me, after all boys had cooties.

"I guess." I sighed, "I'll miss this though." I said referring to the house and our company. I sipped my tea and placed it on the table. I felt a stab of white hot pain in my temple and my vision went black.

_I had to wait a while for my sight to return but as soon as it did I felt myself plead for blindness. I was in the backyard of a house I did not recognise. The sky was a blanket of black except for the shining, white, full moon. It cast an eerie glow onto the grass and the trees whispered their secrets to each other. I saw a little boy sitting on the grass playing with a stick; he looked no older than seven. What he was doing outside at this time of night, I had no idea. A woman, tall with long chocolate brown hair stepped out onto the grass. "Remus," she called, "Time to come in, sweetheart." The boy on the grass turned his head to look at her, but just as he did a shadow slinked through the trees. Remus turned back the look into the trees and I saw a pair of large amber eyes staring back at him. I tensed with fear. "Remus?" his mother called again. The eyes moved forward becoming bigger, as they reached the moonlight I saw the beginning of a snout. The creature stalked forward confidently. Two ears followed the snout; a head; a thick, dark, fury neck; two huge, powerful front paws. The woman screamed and attempted to run forward and scoop up her child but the werewolf was too quick. I couldn't move, or even blink. I stood cemented in place as I watched the horrific scene unfold. The beast lunged and sunk its teeth into the child's chest. The woman screamed for her husband. He and another boy of eleven flew from the house and rushed towards the wolf. The beast flung Remus away from his family with one sift flick of its snout and leapt at the father. "Romulus!" the man cried, "See to your brother." The other boy ran to his injured sibling's side and began to weep. The wolf caught the father by the arm and flung him into the nearest tree. His neck made a deafening crack and his body went limp. The woman cried out in anguish. I felt sick, I couldn't watch any more but no matter how much I tried to pull myself out I couldn't stop the scene. The wolf next lunged at the mother, its muscles rippled and the moonlight cast a shimmering light on its pelt, and snapped her neck beneath his jaws. I could tell the were-wolf had no intension of eating the humans; he was purely there for the triumph of their death. The wolf sauntered towards the young boys and the eldest, Romulus, snatched up the stick his brother had been playing with not ten minutes earlier and beat the wolf across the snout. The wolf backed off and stalked back into the woods leaving the two boys with the bodies of their parents._

"Remus!" I screamed as the scene faded. I felt my heart pounding on the inside of my head. Someone was shaking me.

"Natalie? Natalie!" I looked up into Remus' face and burst into uncontrollable sobs. I tried to get my mind away from the vision, however I could still hear the cries of a woman who was having her worst fears become reality. I threw my arms around Remus, sobbing into his chest. I felt exhausted, but disgusted that I was thinking about myself at a time like this. There was no mistaking the boys in the vision, for one of them was letting me bawl into his chest. But obviously Remus had survived, I told myself. It was truly horrible, what happened to his parents, but he was alive never the less. Bang. It hit me. Remus had been bitten by a wolf on a full moon. A werewolf. My mind flashed back to my Defence Against the Dark Arts class I had the previous school year. Werewolves are only made when someone is bitten by the wolf, the curse is infected into the subject and they cannot reverse the affects. I am truly disgusted with myself at what I did next.

I pulled from his grip, a look of repulsion on my face and I ran. Away from the house, away from the creature inside. The logical side of me argued that he was still the same Remus and it only happened once a month. I, however was not strong enough to fight sixteen years of prejudice that had been drilled into me daily. I knew he would hate me for it and I despised myself for my feelings. I was in shock, I just kept running. My legs collapsed underneath me and I felt my knees hit the sharp rocks of the terrain; I felt my blood rush to the wounds and welcomed the pain. I deserved it, how could I turn my back on a friend because of something he could not control? What kind of person would judge someone like that? Obviously the rest of the marauders knew, they often went to see him off when he "left". They obviously accepted it straight away, knowing James I suspect he was rather nonplussed. I imagined the conversation would have gone something along the lines of;

_Remus: "James I'm a werewolf." _

_James: "wicked." *Goes back to reading a Quidditch magazine.*_

Boys.

I sat myself down on a rock and wallowed in self pity. Why would Remus not tell me something that affected such a huge part of his life? It was a part of him. I suddenly realised why he did not tell me; because he was afraid I would act just like I did. I had unconsciously just done what he had expected me to do. I was a horrible person. I had to go back and apologise to him. That meant telling him what I saw. But what did I see? I had no idea. Sure, it sounds cool if you say 'hey Remus I just had a really accurate vision of how your parents died.' Not great. I couldn't believe I didn't realise the truth about Remus before, I obviously wasn't nearly observant enough. The events in the vision kept replaying in my head; I heard the snap of their necks ringing in my ears. What the hell was happening to me? I hadn't been asleep so I couldn't have had a nightmare. The logical side of my brain was telling me that what I had seen had definitely been real, the crazy side of my brain was just laughing manically. My gut told me something bad was happening and it was only going to get worse. And oh how right I was.

I was deciding what to tell Remus when it started to rain. Stupid weather. I could tell him what I saw and either get admitted to St. Mungo's or sent to the crazy guy who taught divination at Hogwarts and who incidentally told me I was going to die this year, crack pot. No thanks. Or I could tell him I was really homesick and needed to be alone. Yay for option two! Also if I told him about the vision he would get really depressed and relive it all again. If I kept this secret to myself I would save a lot of trouble. Also my friends would have one less thing to worry about.

I was thoroughly drenched by the time I got back to the house. Remus was waiting at the door with a towel. There was no end to that buy's kindness, unless you stole his chocolate; then he would beat you to a bloody pulp. I muttered an excuse about homesickness and walked up to Remus' room.

If he wanted me to know his secret I decided it was up to him to tell me. If not, I would pretend I had no clue. But I reasoned, this went both ways, because now we both had something to hide.

oOo

**A/N: heya! I got my very first review on my last chapter so special shout out to Kathy. I would really like to hear your feedback on the story and any questions you have regarding them, if they are confusing or not. My updating will be quite sporadic as I am no in year twelve so I will have ridiculous amounts of homework and study to be doing. So sorry about that. **

**So there's this little link just down there V and it says review this chapter. I would like you all to click on it and say whatever! Maybe you liked it, maybe you didn't. I'm not looking for an essay, just a brief passing comment **

**Until next time.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four:

The screams and yells of friends and family members pierced my ears as I sat in the last compartment at the end of the Hogwarts Express. Romulus had dropped Remus and I off early as he had to go to "work", I still believed he was a hit-wizard. It was twenty to eleven and most students were only just arriving or were outside the train waiting for their friends. I was thinking about my summer holiday. It had been nothing like I had planned. I was not allowed into London to see my friends, I ran away and I had started seeing things. I was happy to be away from home but I found that the prospect of Hogwarts was not cheering me up quite as much as it used to. Something had changed this summer, possibly it was my visions, but something wasn't right anymore; Hogwarts didn't feel like home.

I pulled a book from my bag and opened up to the page that I had dog-eared. I reached about halfway down the page when a loud bang destroyed my concentration. A black-haired boy ran into my compartment leapt onto the seat and launched himself onto the trunk rack above my head. I sat there watching him; he was trying to make himself invisible. We made eye contact and he yelled in surprise, hitting his head on the roof of the carriage.

"Natalie!" Sirius screamed, attempting to get off the rack quickly. He simply fell in a heap on the floor. I laughed at him and helped him up. He dusted himself off and threw himself into a hug.

"Sirius," I choked "cant – breathe." He quickly let me go and put his hands on my shoulders, inspecting me. I raised my eyebrows and did the same, and boy did I get a surprise. It wasn't that he wasn't particularly good-looking before the summer, but he had become significantly more handsome this new school year. His black hair had been cut shorter and I could tell from his tight white t-shirt that his muscles were definitely bigger. I was a little entranced. We stood like that for a while until he snapped his eyes up to meet mine and smirked. God how I loved that smirk. Err, so I may have had a small crush on Sirius... ever since last year. It was tiny though and nothing would ever happen because we were good friends. I hadn't even told my friends, but James had figured it out this holidays. Sirius opened his mouth to make a stupid remark when Marlene I'm-a-bitch Mckinnon walked in.

"Sirius," she whined, she was one of those girly girls who talked in high voices and didn't have a very large mental capacity. You know the ones that boys love. "I haven't seen you in forever." She pouted at this point and honestly I didn't want to see that hideous expression ever again. This was Sirius' long term girlfriend; they had been dating for four months now.

Sirius grinned at her and collected her into his arms. "Aw I missed you too Marls." He crooned. I vomited a little in my mouth. They continued to say sickeningly coupley things until they started snogging right in front of me. Disgusted and disappointed I scooped up my book and stalked out of the compartment. I didn't blame Sirius for dating her, I mean she was a Gryffindor, had an amazing physique, and was as dumb as a doorknob. What more would a guy want? I dragged my feet down the corridor, kicking them softly on protruding bits of wall to entertain myself. I caught my reflection in a window, I could see why he didn't like me more than a friend; I was different, my blonde hair was long and layered, my tight black ripped dress and military boots weren't sweet or flirty; there were smokey black smudges around my eyes. I wasn't approachable. I liked rock and roll music and I didn't do anything to make myself look soft. I was harsh. It was mostly rebellion of my parents but I liked what my style said about me; I had layers, I wasn't a two dimensional barbie.

I wandered around the train until I heard the whistle that signalled that it was eleven o'clock. I walked slowly back to the compartment, hoping the other marauders would be there to make Marlene go away. I was sufficiently disappointed when I arrived back and all five of them were sitting and chatting. The boys, you see, didn't know Marlene like I did. To them she seemed nice and friendly but to girls she was the biggest bitch in hell, however she was subtle; doing things that no one had proof of to blame her with. I opened the door and all five of them turned and smiled, although Marlene's was more malicious than the others.

"Lee-lee" James screamed and tackled me to the floor. His head hovered above mine and he grinned cheekily.

"Get off me." I muttered and pushed him. He rolled off me and hugged me from the side.

"I missed you" he whinged, pouting adorably. I ruffled his hair and he helped me up from the ground. "Where've you been, Lee-lee?" he said suggestively.

I scoffed and shoved him, sitting down. "I was just walking, Jay." If he could use the old nickname he made for me when he was two, so could I. He grimaced at the name.

"Fine, keep your secrets." He shrugged, attempting nonchalance and failing miserably. "So how was your summer?"

I squirmed in my seat. I did not want to tell them about my running away. We had spent most of our time together, him being only next door, so I wasn't surprised he wondered why he didn't see me for two weeks. "Err it was fine" I said airily, I couldn't even convince myself.

He turned to scrutinize my face, concern etched into his features. "We came over for your birthday, but your parents said you were out." He said carefully, still watching me.

"I was." I made my face impassive as I realised I could get away with half truths.

"Where were you?" he questioned.

"What is this and interrogation?" I demanded, "I was out at the leaky cauldron, celebrating."

"With who?" he didn't stop did he?

"Oh my god, with Remus. Okay?" I yelled. He flicked his head around so fast I was surprised he didn't get whiplash. Remus looked at me, sending me signals with his eyes. He did not want to be dragged into this, but I had no choice.

"You were with Remus." He said slowly, as if to give it time to sink into his brain. He turned back to me and frowned again. "Are you and Remus... you know?" he muttered into my ear.

My eyebrows shot up into my hairline, well not really but that's how high I like to think they went. "No!" I hissed back at him.

He visibly relaxed and slung an arm around my shoulder. "So where were you the rest of the holidays? Sirius and I didn't see you the whole time."

My mind was reeling, I couldn't say I stayed with Remus because Remus would be super mad, but I couldn't say I stayed with lily or Amelia because he would ask them and they would have no clue what he was talking about. I suddenly had an idea. "Oh I went to visit relatives." I lied, hopefully successfully.

James seemed to buy it and nodded, "And how is Greece?"

"Oh it was really hot so I stayed in mostly." I had no idea when this conversation would end so I turned it back on him. "So how were your holidays?"

I listened to him crap on about Quidditch for at least half an hour, not that I don't love the sport, just James took it way to seriously. I tried to focus in on what he was saying but I found it hard to concentrate as Sirius and Marlene were snogging each other's faces off. James noticed my discomfort, "Do you wanna go someplace else?" he whispered in my ear. I nodded not trusting myself to speak and he pulled me out of the compartment calling an excuse to the others. He pulled me down the corridor and opened the door to a seemingly empty compartment. He stopped dead in the doorway and I looked around him to see what the problem was. I found the problem within two seconds; sitting towards the back of the compartment was the unmistakable Lily Evans, snogging none other than my git of a brother.

"What the fuck is this?" I yelled. They immediately broke apart and Noah smirked at me, however Lily looked highly embarrassed. James abruptly turned around and skulked away from the compartment, I glared at the two inside and set off after him. I found him three compartments down with some first years who looked terrified by the sight of him. I sighed and told the kids to bugger off. He sat down and put his head in his hands. I moved next to him and hugged him from the side. He looked back up at me and smiled bitterly. I could tell we needed privacy and turned and locked the door and pulled down the blind.

"I guess I'm feeling your pain right now, eh?" he grimaced and I winced.

"Sorry." I whispered "I knew Noah was a git but I wasn't sure how big of one he was till just then."

James turned to look at me and captured either side of my face. "At least we have each other." He sighed and kissed my cheek. James and I had become closer over the summer; he had found out about my obsession with Sirius and attempted to help me get over it. I also tried to get his mind off Lily, though that was a hard task.

We went back to the marauders compartment; I didn't want to see Lily right then; I still had the image of her and my brother in my head. Marlene had disappeared and Amelia had joined them. When she saw me she screamed and hugged me tight, messing my hair, and launched into a long story of her summer in Ireland. I sat down in between her and James, I glanced at Remus and he raised an eyebrow, looking at me questioningly. I shook my head at him, giving him an 'I'll tell you later look', and relaxed in my seat, listening to Amelia's story of her summer.

The six of us were soon joined reluctantly by Lily, who both James and I glared at, and we all told amazing stories of our adventures over the summer. James and Sirius' were the most elaborate but only because they made most of it up. When we stopped at the Hogsmead station it was dark and drizzling. Amelia, being the shallowest of all of us, screamed when the rain hit her hair, complaining it would go frizzy, and ran to secure us a carriage, the rest of us ambled after her. I looked around to see if I could spot the carriage Amelia had reserved for us when my heart skipped a beat and I stopped dead in the middle of walking. The others carried on until they noticed I wasn't with them. I was staring at the carriage in horror. The carriages that normally pulled themselves where now being pulled along by skeletal, black horses with milky, white eyes. I knew immediately what they were. My father had given me a book on magical creatures when I was young and in there I had read about Thestrals; horse-like creatures that ate meat and where bad omens. Only people who had witnessed death could see them. I immediately thought back to my first vision; I had seen people murdered. I had accepted that my visions were true but I had never expected them to affect me this way. They now influenced the way I saw.

I found the ability to walk again after James came up to me and put his face in my line of vision. "Nat," he murmured, "you need to walk to the carriage." I registered the smirk on his face and sneered at him, walking around him and climbing inside. I gave the strange creatures' one last look then turned my attention to my friends.

"You see them too, don't you?" Remus murmured into my ear, looking down. I swallowed noisily and nodded. He looked back up at me and grimaced, he understood. I gripped his hand and knew that he had seen them ever since the night I had seen in my vision. I felt a strong urge to protect the young werewolf and I gripped his hand tighter.

We walked into the great hall and I immediately looked up, the historic ceiling had always fascinated me. It was a deep blue-black and only a few stars could be seen through the clouds, but still it was magnificent. We sat down in the middle of the Gryffindor table and turned to look at the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, who had asked the attention of the school. The little first years came in through the doors and followed professor McGonagall to the raised platform in front of the teachers table. She placed the sorting hat on the stool and it started its song. It was much the same as all years but it was the last few lines that caught my attention;

_This coming year may be full of woe,_

_But heed my warning and you will know,_

_It is time for the houses to unite,_

_If we want a chance to win this fight, _

_The darkness may consume you all,_

_If not one of you stand tall, _

_You must consult the one that can see,_

_For she may be the only key. _

The hall erupted into noise as everyone began to discuss the hat's warning. The warning had chilled me to the bone, the other years the hat had warned of a rising power but never had it predicted the coming of a fight. We were just kids, what good would we be in a fight?

"Well that was dreadfully cheery." Sirius muttered.

"Yeah." I murmured.

"Who do you suppose '_the one that can see'_ is?" Remus whispered.

"Well obviously it's got to be about more than just eye sight, right?" James said. "Obviously this person can see more than just what everyone else can."

The others nodded. "Maybe there's a seer attending Hogwarts." Amelia suggested. "My great aunt said that her cousin went to see one once and she predicted his death accurately right down to the minute and way he was killed."

"Amy, you know your great aunt talk's rubbish, right?" Lily said incredulously. Everyone laughed, including me, although I was still angry at Lily. It was true that Amelia's great aunt was completely mental and thought she was still a healer in the days of Grindelwald. My laughter was cut short when I felt the blinding pain in my head I had come to associate with my visions.

_I was in a forest watching a girl a little older than me putting up protection wards around a small tent. Her brown, bushy hair was tied loosely in a ponytail and her jeans were old and torn. She was muttering feverishly under her breath and I was amazed at the complexity of some of the spells. She was soon finished and walked back inside the tent. I found that this time in my vision I could follow her. The inside was enormous, well compared to the outside. She had taken off her jacket and cast a heating charm around the room. She sat down in an arm chair, her face looked as if she hadn't eaten well in a while and her clothes hung loosely off her body. Her hair was oily and her face had dirt smudges over it. A second person walked out of one of the room in the tent. The boy looked the same age as the girl, yet significantly more haggard and sickly. He had jet black hair that hung nearly down to his shoulders and wore round glasses. His clothes were far baggier on him and his face was in the same condition as hers yet with stubble on his chin. He looked exactly like James except for his eyes which were green and his sickly thin appearance. He shuffled towards the bushy-haired girl and mumbled a sentence which sounded like 'I'll take first watch.' The brunette nodded and promptly fell asleep in the chair._ _The boy sat down at the mouth of the tent and took out a wand, setting it beside him. He also took out a silver locket that had the mark of Slytherin on the cover. He looked down at it disgusted and put it around his neck_.

I was surprised I was not on the floor but all my friends had looks of concern on their faces. I looked up at them my head throbbing, what was the point of seeing things if they were as pointless as that vision just was. I found I could remember my visions in perfect clarity and wondered what the point of storing that useless vision was. I of course had no answer. "Sorry?" I said, deciding my friends would think I was mad if I told them the truth.

"Err, we were trying to get your attention for the last five minutes." James said carefully.

"Sorry." I chuckled, "I was totally out of it." They all seemed to buy it and turned as Dumbledore got the attention of the hall.

"Silence." He said, "We must heed the sorting hat's warning and if anyone can shed light to the mention of the one that can see they should come and see me. Now for more trivial matters; first years, you will noted that the Forbidden Forest is in fact, forbidden. Although maybe a few older students should remember that also." He winked at the marauders. "Mr. Filch has asked me to remind you that magic is not to be used in the corridors and that you may find a list of all band items on the noticeboard outside his office. Now without further a due; the feast." He clapped his hands and food appeared on the tables.

After everyone as sufficiently full Dumbledore stood up again, "now I know all of you are eager to reach your warm beds, so away with you, pip pip!"

I collapsed into my bed and fell asleep immediately forgetting all about confronting Lily and unpacking my trunk or even taking off my shoes.

oOo

**A/N: so I got this chapter done really fast. I had it already written it just needed editing. Its quite long. **

**Also if anyone finds somewhere that a sentence doesn't make sense and you think there should be a w in the word tell me because my key doesn't work very well. **

**Until next time. **


	5. Chapter 5

**I wish I was J.K Rowling but sadly I'm just not British enough. **

**oOo**

_"You don't know who his supporters are, you don't know who's working for him and who isn't; you know he can control people so that they do terrible things without being able to stop themselves. You're scared for yourself, and your family, and your friends. Every week, news comes of more deaths, more disappearances, more torturing... the Ministry of Magic's in disarray, they don't know what to do, they're trying to keep everything hidden from the Muggles, but meanwhile, Muggles are dying too. Terror everywhere... panic... confusion... that's how it used to be." _

—_Sirius Black_

Chapter five.

I woke up the next morning thankful that we didn't have classes until Monday. September the first had fallen on a Thursday that year so we had a long weekend and believe me we were going to use it wisely.

I made my way down to breakfast dressed in shorts and one of Remus' jumpers I had nicked from the washing while he wasn't looking. I slumped down at the table in the great hall next to James. Lily was watching me from down the table and I glared at her, I had to confront her today and tell her there was no way I would be her friend if she was dating my git of a brother. James looked in the direction of my glare and paled slightly when he saw her. The poor boy had it bad for her, like jump in front of a killing curse bad. He had been in love with her since the end of fourth year and it had only grown stronger in time. Sure he dated other people but his heart belonged to the red haired, green eyed girl just down from us.

James put an arm around me and squeezed me to his side briefly. I turned to the food and pulled some eggs towards me. I was glad that I had James and the boys as friends, they made everything better. If I was sad they always found something crazy to do to cheer me up.

"So," I began, turning towards them. "We gonna have the big Halloween party this year?" every year the marauders threw a huge party, they had started off very innocent but in the last two years had begun to get wild. They were the highlight of the year.

They all turned and grinned at me. "You bet we are Lee." James smirked, "You're on booze duty." I grimaced. I was always on booze duty; which mainly consisted of me wearing a low cut top to the three broomsticks and flirting with the young guy at the bar, or still wearing a low cut top, getting one of the seventh year boys to buy some for me. It was thoroughly degrading but by god it worked miracles. You see I have had breasts since about fourth year and they just seemed to get bigger in time. The marauders had certainly taken that to their advantage.

"Is that my jumper, Nat?" Remus asked with raised eyebrows from across the table.

I put an innocent look on my face, "This Remus?" I pinched the fabric between my fingers, I knew he would want it back but it was just so damn comfy. "I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it was my brothers or something."

"Huh." He grunted still looking at me sceptically. No, I wanted the jumper!

"That's funny isn't it, Moony." James said, I could tell by the smirk on his face he was about to betray me. "'Cause didn't you lose yours just last week? That's what you told me."

"That is funny James," Sirius exclaimed. "And it looks exactly like Moony's one. Even smells like him." He reached over and pulled my shoulder to his nose, taking a sniff. My heart stuttered when he touched me. "But the problem here is; how did she get into Moony's house to take it?" James, peter and Sirius all turned to smirk at me. "Something going on between you to?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. My heart stuttered and felt disappointment flow through me as he said the idea so calmly, without a hint of jealousy.

"So that's where you were." A voice sneered from behind me, my stomach dropped to my feet. I knew he would tell my friends where all kinds of people could listen and therefore spread it round the school.

I turned to face him, "I have told you before and I'll tell you again, brother." I spat out the last word as if it were poisonous. "Fuck off." I swivelled back around and stabbed at my eggs, not having much of an appetite anymore.

"Still calling me brother, Natalie?" Noah replied scathingly, the way he said my name made me shiver in disgust. "After what happened this summer I'm surprised you're even talking to me." He looked at the people around me. "Or maybe you're keeping up appearances. You wouldn't want anyone to know you - "

Remus stood up abruptly. "Delano, I think it's time you left." He growled, threateningly. I loved Remus, so protective and loyal.

Noah chuckled, "Leaving now actually, gotta go see my girlfriend. I think you know her Natalie. James, nice to see you." He laughed and walked down the table and sat next to Lily. James stiffened in his seat and was about to get up and punch my brother in the face, but I put a hand on his arm and he slumped forward.

I was about to get up to leave the hall when a brown screech owl flew into the hall. It was my family's bird Artemis. She landed on the table and held her leg out obediently. With shaking hands I undid the tie and pulled the letter free. She gave my eggs a peck before she flew away.

I opened the letter and blanched when I saw my mother's writing.

_Natalie,_ she wrote.

_I'm not sure why you feel the need to punish us like this,_ straight to the point my mother.

_Your father and I had discussed you not going back to Hogwarts and we had both agreed that it would be best for you not to go. By running away and acting as rashly as you did you put strain on the family and people began to question your father's position. _

_People think very highly of him and you ought to respect that. What will people say when he can't even control his children, let alone aurors? We disapprove entirely of you being there and are organising a meeting with the headmaster to ensure you come back home. Your brother was very upset at your departure and we think it was selfish of you to leave him. _

_When you get home, be prepared for some punishment young lady. _

_Your Mother. _

Down the bottom of the page was a single line,

_Please, come home sweetie. _

I felt the guilt grow in my stomach; I looked at Remus, who was still standing and he gave me a sympathetic look. He assumed from my facial expression that the letter was not very pleasant. I scowled again down the table at my brother. Sure, that git had really missed me; he wriggled his fingers in a patronising wave when he caught my gaze. The letter was signed by my mother but I knew that it was from father. It had his input written all over it, well figuratively. I felt anger surge through my mind and cloud my brain. The letter was designed to make me feel guilty and I hated myself for it but it was working. The last line kept repeating in my head; please come home sweetie. I felt sick and threw my fork down in disgust. It clattered to the table and splattered eggs on my jumper. I sighed and pulled it off, chucking it at Remus' head and flung myself off the bench and stalked out of the great hall. I heard the boy's shouts of protest at my sudden departure but ignored them, making my way back to the common room. I was angry that I had let my family get to me but they knew how to manipulate me. I skulked through the corridors, scuffing my feet and muttering curse words I would use when I faced my brother next, if I had the guts.

I was halfway to the common room when the view of the corridor swam before my eyes, I grasped the banister of a staircase before the white blinding light and stabbing pain erupted in my head.

_It was a while before I was able to see again, but when I could I immediately wanted blindness again. There was an eerie calm throughout the clearing where I stood. A circle of people in black cloaks and masks, all focused on the man in the centre, a man that I had seen far too much of already. He was also in a black cloak, the contrast to his face made him look deathly pale. He was at the end of a speech and the death eaters began to dissapperate as he barked out orders. _

_A swirl of colour and I was with some of the death eaters again, a damp cold road beneath my feet. They walked confidently towards a house at the end of the street, casting spells to disguise themselves. One knocked on the front door; a young boy answered and was projected backwards into a wall. The death eaters filed inside casting the killing curse at the boy without a second glance. A woman screamed, fumbling for the knife she had been using for chopping vegetables. I watched as her face went blank, a happy smile replacing the terrified one, and plunged the knife into her stomach, twisting and then wrenching it out. She fell to the floor, blood pouring from her wound and mouth, the smile still etched on her face. The death eaters laughed, clapping the one responsible on the back. I heard a whimper from behind me and turned to see a man, dressed in his suit he obviously wore to work. I begged silently in my mind, pleading for him to run before they caught sight of him but his muscles coiled ready for a fight. My heart sunk into my stomach as he picked up a baseball bat from the cupboard to his left. Before he could even raise it to defend himself a death eater screamed "Crucio!" and he fell crying to the floor. His body thrashed, attempting to break free of the curse, causing the death eaters to laugh mercilessly once again. _

_A swirl of colour and I was transported again, to a basement. It was moist and cold, water dripping from the walls and moss caking the floor. I spun around as a girlish laugh erupted from behind me. This scene would haunt my dreams forever. In the corner, cowering on the floor was the form of woman, she had blonde hair and her skin that was once tanned was pale and sickly looking. In front of her was the most terrifying person I can ever remember seeing, second only to Voldemort himself; Bellatrix Lestrange. Her wild hair was pulled back from her face, her large eyes bulging. Her laugh caused my knees to shake as I stood there, watching her. She walked over to the woman and grabbed her by the hair, pulling back her head. _

"_Give me all your information on the order of the phoenix." She said sweetly, her auror oozed lies and mental instability. The woman laughed a sound that was harsh and gravelly. _

"_Dream on Bella." The woman spat out. Bellatrix, angered, flung her head backwards causing it to smack against the floor. She leant over the lying form and pulled out her wand, flicking it quickly. Small cuts erupted all over the woman's body and she hissed in pain as filthy water, dripping from the roof and seeping up from the floor, entered her cuts, infecting them. "Crucio." Bellatrix hissed. The woman writhed in pain but did not let out a scream. Seeming frustrated Bellatrix lashed out and kicked the woman in the side, I heard the ribs crack and break but still the woman did not cry out. Bellatrix moved her foot to her chest and pushed lightly, slowly developing the pressure. The woman could not take the immense pain and screamed in pain. Bellatrix, smiling flicked her wand one last time and a large gash appeared across the woman's shoulder, and leaving the room wriggled her fingers in a taunting wave. I walked over to the woman and heard her mutter under her breath, _

"_Do whatever you can to stop them Natalie. It will only get worse from here on." She opened her eyes and they met mine, her face, although bloodied, a mirror image of mine, her eyes the same hazel colour with hints of green. The only difference was her eyes were dead, soulless, as if she had seen too many horrors for her age. She looked only five years older than me. My mind corrected me; she was me in five years. _

**A/N:**** so that chapter was a bit intense but the next one might be a bit lighter hearted. Or maybe not. Its hard to write happy things in such dark times but if its putting you off ill throw the Halloween party in the next few chapters. It will get better soon. So review! Let me know what you think! Shout out to my reviewer from last time SPLINTERINGTHEGLASS woo! Go you! **

**Until next time...**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six:

I felt the cold floor of the stone steps beneath as I lay there, my head swimming with the images of my vision. The scenes kept replaying over and over but I found myself repeating the last one the most. There was something unimaginably disturbing about seeing your own future, even if it was to deliver a message. I closed my eyes and leant my head back; trying to ignore the pains in my back and the twisted position I was in.

I needed a distraction. All the vision I was having were driving me insane, they were nothing like dreams; I could remember each one in vivid detail.

I pulled myself off the stairs and hauled my exhausted body back to the common room. The marauders were already there, obviously having taken a different route, and also sadly was lily. She was sitting in the chair that faced the portrait hole and jumped up immediately when she saw me.

"Natalie!" she called, jogging over to me. If there was one thing I hated about lily Evans, it was that she was too bloody perfect all the time. Even when she was jogging, looking quite strange, she still looked like a goddess.

"Lily." I said stiffly, moving to walk past her.

She moved in front of me and stuck a hand out to prevent me from walking away again. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was seeing Noah. If I knew you would react like this I wouldn't have said yes to going out with him." She cried, "But I really like him. He's sweet and so kind and thoughtful, and I really like him ok?"

I didn't even bother suppressing my snort as she described my poisonous brother as kind and thoughtful. She glared at me and I raised an eyebrow. "You're obviously under the influence of amortentia or some seriously powerful drugs, Lils. My brother is the complete opposite of everything you just said. He's mean, torturous and a vile, evil creep. I'm trying to save you from finding it out the hard way." I snarled.

She curled her lip at me. "He told me you'd say that, but he was so heartbroken when you ran away from home. He was sick with worry and talked about getting a search party out to look for you."

I laughed humourlessly, "The only thing he was worried about was whether or not I would get disowned so he could be the only child and they could have the family they wanted." I shouted. The marauders were watching intently and I saw Remus trying to clear the common room of all spectators. It was the worst fight lily and I had ever had.

Lily opened her mouth to retort but was stopped by the quiet voice of Peter, "You ran away from home Natalie?" I turned to peter and glared at him.

"You didn't tell them?" Lily raised her eyebrows, understanding the trouble she was causing me and using it to her advantage.

"No." I hissed. "I thought you would just love the pleasure of spreading it round the school."

"What the hell, Nat?" James yelled. "You actually left?"

I forced myself to breathe. "Yes." I hissed through gritted teeth. "Why wouldn't I?"

He came forward putting himself between lily and I, "Why didn't you come and stay with me?" he was hurt and I could tell it was because he didn't know if I trusted him. Sirius was uncharacteristically silent and peter was still cowering from my harsh glare. Remus caught my eye and I pleaded with him to get me out of the situation. He did no such thing.

I turned away from James and hung my head. Lily smiled triumphantly and promptly marched up the stairs to our dorm.

The boys all went upstairs too, except Remus who took my hand and lead me to a couch. "You knew not telling them was going to backfire, right?"

"Yeah." I sighed. The first day back at Hogwarts had already been ridiculously stressful and it wasn't even lunch yet, wait no I had just missed lunch. Perfect.

The next couple of days I really only talked to Remus, James had forgiven me and so had Peter, but Sirius refused to speak to me. I was still unclear on why, but I felt the sharp pain of rejection every time he turned away from me. It was stupid of me to be so hung up on Sirius, to hope round every corner I turned he would be there smiling at me and babbling about his new idea for a prank. Of course he wasn't and most of the time I didn't spend thinking about why he was ignoring me I spent thinking about him, longing for him to be near me.

My visions were getting worse and more frequent; I was finding myself passing out and getting scolded by teachers for not paying attention in lessons. Remus was helping me with my lessons but he was also unnecessarily worried about me. I tickled the pair and watched as a doorknob appeared, letting myself into the kitchens.

"Miss Delano!" a house elf squeaked, "What can Mitsy get you?"

"Hi Mitsy." I sighed, slumping down onto a chair. "Could you make me some trifle?" it was exactly what I needed right then, "also the bottle of port that you use for the base?" Mitsy looked uncomfortable at the idea of providing me with alcohol but immediately reasoned that she must serve her master. I sighed, thinking about how elderly I was; drinking port. I chuckled at myself. Mitsy was soon back and I ate as much as I could, constantly swigging on the bottle I was given.

I stood up to make my way back to the common room and felt myself sway precariously and grabbed the table for balance. I giggled and said a quick thanks to Mitsy, swiping the half full bottle off the table and tucking it into my robes. I stumbled my way to Gryffindor tower, using the secret passageways James had shown me. I went undisturbed until I literally fell through the portrait hole. Rolling around on the ground, I looked up at the rest of the common room and saw most of the Gryffindors were watching me with either smiles or frightened expressions on their faces. I chuckled and pulled myself up, dusting myself off, and made my way over to James who was residing on the couch near the fire.

"Oh dear." He said, smirking. I pulled the finger at him and flopped down beside him, leaning heavily against him.

"I've got more." I whispered loudly, "Two's a party."

He grinned at me, "boy's dorm?"

I chuckled and got up, pulling him with me. James had to support me and lead me up the stairs. Once inside the dorm I pulled out the bottle I had hidden and he chuckled, taking it from me and taking a long drink. "Right," I said, sitting myself on his bed. "Confession time!" we had a game we played every time we were under the influence of anything, we called it confession time and we had to confess anything we could think of that the other person didn't know.

"I love lily." James slurred.

I giggled, "I love Sirius!" I whispered loudly.

We collapsed with laughter. We were both sitting up against the headboard of his bed. The bottle had been emptied a while back and we were sufficiently inebriated. I leant my head against James' shoulder, slowly getting my breathing back to normal. He leant over to his bedside table and picked up a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

I inhaled the smoke and felt it travel deep into my lungs. It was our way of relaxing, letting go of all our tension. I turned to look at James and found him looking at me curiously. I stubbed my light out as he did his. He was still looking at me and I began to raise an eyebrow, which is a hard feat if you're drunk as a skunk.

"What would you do if I kissed you right now?" James said slowly still looking at me, I stared back hard and tried to determine whether he was being serious, excuse the pun, if only he were Sirius...

I didn't have time to answer before his lips crashed onto mine, clumsily. I kissed him back and looped my arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of me. We stayed in that position for a while, experiencing the new feeling.

I heard the clap of footsteps on stone and quickly pushed James off me. Making a split second decision, we kicked off our shoes and climbed into the bed, pretending to be asleep.

I heard Remus and Sirius come through the door and tensed involuntarily; what James and I had just been doing was not in the boundaries of friendship. I felt James' arm wrap around my waist and felt his breathing become heavier as he drifted off to sleep. Remus sensed I was awake and sat down on the bed across.

"Want some water before you go to sleep?" he whispered. Have I mentioned how much I love Remus? I nodded my head and grinned stupidly at him. Before he could get back with the water I had already fallen asleep.

**A/N: my updating has been weird and i appologise for that. this one is a little crazy. the sub plot to my story begins to thicken haha **

**as for the smoking: everyone did it in the 70's :)**

**love! **

**x**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven.

_I woke up and he was screaming.  
I'd left him dreaming.  
I roll over and shake him tightly, and whisper, _

_If they want you, then they're gonna have to fight me._

_-Laura Marling, Night Terror._

My head was pounding, my body numb. I felt someone shaking me, trying to get me to wake up, and receiving no response. I could see nothing; the sounds of yelling were muffled. The black oblivion was pressing down, suffocating me. I pushed against it, testing its strength. It proved difficult to move. I gathered all my strength and heaved the cloud from my mind.

The concerned face of Remus hovered above mine.

"You were screaming again." He murmured.

I sighed sitting up and feeling my head spin. I noticed the empty bottle of port on the floor and shook my head sadly. I was becoming such an alcoholic.

"You gonna tell me what's wrong?" he continued. I shook my head slowly, trying to remember why it had been so hard to wake up and why I had been screaming. "You were screaming about ridding the world of the filth that did not deserve to live here." I took a shuddering breath as I realised who I had been the night before. I pushed away Remus' accusing face and stood up, walking slowly back to my dormitory, not noticing the disappointed look on his face.

I took a long shower and dressed in my robes, classes started in twenty minutes but I had potions first and Slughorn never minded how late I was. I trudged down to breakfast and slumped down at the table next to the marauders. I pilled croissants' and bacon onto my plate to help with my hangover. I looked to my right and found James looking at me. "What?" I mumbled.

"Your eating habits never cease to amaze me." He muttered sarcastically. I whacked him and continued eating. "So last night was fun." He chuckled, looking meaningfully in my direction, as if he was trying to tell me something.

"Yeah." I said uncertainly, "Got a killer hangover though." I continued awkwardly.

"Yeah, me too. I don't remember much about the whole night." He hinted.

Oh shit. It all came flooding back to me. I had kissed James. James potter. Jay, my best friend. James, who was desperately in love with Lily Evans. Oh I was so fucked.

"Yeah, me too." I laughed nervously. I stood up and grabbed the food off my plate. "I need to talk to you." I hissed in his ear.

James stood up abruptly and followed me telling the others we would catch up. I hoped we didn't look too suspicious, the last thing I needed was Sirius constantly teasing me about James and breaking my heart with his easy acceptance of the situation, well if he was actually talking to me.

I pulled James into a deserted corridor and turned to face him, ripping up bits of croissant and shoving them into my mouth.

"So about last night..." he started, looking down at his shoes.

"I think that we should forget it all happened. Yeah?" I blurted out.

He looked up at me and grimaced. "Yeah sounds good. I mean we were drunk so its not like it meant anything." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah, exactly." I mumbled. "Forget this ever happened?" I held out my hand for him to shake.

"Never happened." he muttered.

I let out a sigh of relief and we walked to potions, awkwardly with about three feet between us at all times.

I was in transfiguration later that day that I finally got word from Sirius. He charmed a note to fly across the room to where I was sitting with Amelia.

_We need to talk._

_S. _

I packed up my things slowly, waving at Amelia that I would catch her up. I walked slowly out of the classroom, looking around for Sirius. I felt myself being pulled around a corner and into a courtyard. Sirius sat down on the bench next to us and motioned for me to do as well.

"Why did you leave?" he said suddenly after a minute of silence.

I sighed, I really didn't want to have to explain myself to Sirius but I couldn't stand not talking to him.

"They wouldn't let me come back." I muttered.

"To Hogwarts?" he said

I nodded and watched him as he processed the information.

"So you value your education over staying with your family, with the people who love you?" he hissed. I flinched at the harshness of his voice.

"It's not as though they love me that much. They'd be glad to be rid of me. They have the golden child, Noah." I spat.

"I can't believe you just threw away what some people long for." He yelled, standing up.

"I'm sorry your home life was shit, Sirius but you have no right to judge mine on glimpses of what you saw." I shouted back, tears began rolling down my cheeks as I matched his movement.

"You had a fucking perfect life, Natalie. So don't even try to imagine mine." He said incredulously.

"Oh my god Sirius! You are so self absorbed. If you had even paid attention at all to me you would know what I'm talking about. At least your parents paid attention to you!" I was losing it and I could see he was too.

"Paid attention to me?" he roared, "you call beating me until I bled and hexing me into oblivion, attention?"

I felt horrible for laying the low blow but I was furious. "Your parents cared enough about you to make your life hell. Mine couldn't care less. The only reason they want me to come back is so their reputation isn't ruined." I whispered, venom lacing every single word. "Just back the fuck off Sirius." I turned and stalked down the corridor, wiping furiously at my cheeks to rid them of tears.

I reached the seventh floor but found myself walking away from Gryffindor tower. I was missing herbology but I honestly couldn't care less. I sat down in the middle of the corridor and slowly rested my back and head against the floor. I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, mulling over the things Sirius had said. I knew I shouldn't have run away but the thought of not seeing my friends felt like a punch in the chest. Also, though I hated to admit it, the thought of not seeing Sirius made it hard to breath. The fact that he hated me felt like someone was strangling me. I had never fought with him before and I was full of self loathing at the thought that I had hurt him.

Nobody came looking for me, they had probably already seen Sirius and got the story from him and thought I was just sulking. "What the hell are you doing, Delano?" said a male voice from behind my head, interrupting my thoughts.

"Wondering why the fuck you are even talking to me, Snape." I spat, sitting up slowly and turning to face him.

He curled his lip, which made him look even greasier. "Now, now, Delano." He sneered. "No need for disrespect towards your betters."

I stood up, this is what I had been waiting for; a good fight, preferably with fists. "Excuse me?" I responded, "Since when has filthy blood been better than pure?"

His face went white as a ghost and I smirked triumphantly. "at least a half blood is better than a blood traitor." He hissed. I glared at him and he raised an eyebrow; challenging me to fight him.

I walked slowly and deliberately towards him and punched him in the nose. I felt both his nose and my knuckles crack on impact, the sound echoing throughout the corridor.

"I'll get you for that you stupid bitch" he cried, whipping out his wand.

I pulled mine and laughed mockingly at him. "I'd like to see you try." I scoffed.

"Densaugeo!" Snape shouted and I felt my teeth begin to lengthen rapidly.

Furious I shouted back at him, "Depulso!"

He flew backwards ten feet and fell to a heap on the floor. I reversed the effects his curse had on me and walked slowly over to him. I hoped he hadn't hit his head, because then I would have been in so much trouble. My rage had stopped and I leaned over him slightly to get a look at him. He sat up suddenly, sliding away from me and shouted one word; "Sectum sempra!"

The curse hit me in the chest and I felt it slice through me. Shock froze me in place as I looked down to see my shirt covered in blood that was rapidly pouring out of my chest, shoulders, arms and thighs. My knees gave way and I was engulfed in black.

oOo

James looked hurled his possessions around the marauders room, looking for the map. He had to find her; no one had seen her for hours. He heard his friends coming up the stairs and ran to the door. "Padfoot." He puffed, "Have you seen the map?" his friend glared at him and shoved a hand into his pocket, pulling out a blank piece of parchment. Not having time to worry about Sirius, James sprinted down the stairs, unfolding the map as he went. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He muttered, tapping the parchment with his wand. Black ink swirled across the page, marking out the corridors and room of Hogwarts. Finding a deserted corridor he spread the map in the floor and searched for her name. He found the small black dot labelled Natalie Delano on the seventh floor right next to Severus Snape. He sprinted to the corridor, whispering "Mischief managed" as he went, making the map blank once more. What the hell she was doing with Snape he had no idea, but he knew that it would not end in them hugging it out. He forced himself to go faster, whishing he could transform and make the journey in no time at all, but he was in the castle so no such thing could occur. He heard shouting as he neared the corridor and the firing of spells. He heard the unmistakable yell of Severus Snape and was able to distinguish two words; sectum sempra. His blood ran cold; he sprinted around the last corner in time to see her knees give way, blood covering her body. She was losing it too fast and he felt a surge of deep hatred for Severus Snape. It wasn't that he didn't loath him before, but now there was utter hatred for the pale, greasy Slytherin. He slid on his knees to a stop next to her, whipping out the two way mirror he always carried and yelled Sirius' name into it. The other boy appeared looking annoyed but James had no time for him, "Get the fuck down here right now, bring Moony and get Wormtail to go to Madame Pomfrey. Seventh floor corridor. Quickly. I fucking mean it Padfoot." He yelled.

He shoved the mirror back into his pocket and turned his attention to Natalie. Her face was deathly pale and he took off his robe, pressing it into her chest, attempting to stop the rapid flow of blood. "Fuck." He muttered. "Come on, Nat. Don't leave me. Fuck" He whispered into her ear. Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he felt her pulse weakening. She couldn't die on him, he reasoned. He wouldn't let her.

He watched as his best friend had her life drain slowly out of her. He took off his shirt and jumper to stop the bleeding in her arms. Memories flashed before his eyes; they were children, running around the lake they used to have in their backyard; James teaching her how to ride a broom; the kiss they shared the night before. His mind lingered on that moment, when their lips met. He had never felt anything like it, he had been nowhere near as drunk as she had been and he had known the consequences of his actions.

He looked back down at her face and felt her heart stutter in one final attempt to beat. He slowly pressed his lips to hers in a last kiss and felt his body convulse with sob as he heard the pounding feet of his friends and Madame Pomfrey coming a moment too late.

**A/N: whoa intense chapter. Review! If it doesn't make sense then tell me, it's a bit crazy but completely necessary (: so yeah review? Make me happy!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight.

**A/N: so I'm a really horrible person for ending the previous chapter like that... sorry!**

Hold on,

One more time with feeling,

Try it again,

Breathing's just a rhythm.

Say it in your mind until,

You know that the words are right.

This is, why we

Fight.

~ Regina Spektor, One More Time with Feeling.

I stood above the crying boy on the floor, covered in blood, clinging to the bleeding girl; her blonde hair being stained by the blood pouring from her wounds. The red liquid was trailing across the floor, seeping into cracks, mixing with the grime and dirt of the corridor. Her black school robe was open, revealing a grey pleated skirt, white blouse; which was now almost black with blood, and marron and gold striped tie. I watched as the boy lent down and kissed her lips, looking down the corridor at the sound of footsteps pounding on stone, his jet black hair contrasting with his pale face. Three boys came sprinting and skidded to a stop, nearly slipping on the wet floor. The tall, lean brown haired boy rushed to the girl and fell to his knees attempting to help the other boy stop the rapid blood flow. Hogwarts school matron, Madame Pomfrey jogged round the corner and gasped at the sight before her. She whipped out her wand, muttering complicated spells under her breath. The blood slowly began to seep back into the girl, but it came too slowly. The matron muttered a number of spells, shoving the brown-haired boy out of her way; the wounds on the girl closed, barely. She conjured a stretcher and levitated the girl's body onto it, ordering the boys to take her to the hospital wing. She vanished the blood left in the hall way and marched after them.

I tried to follow but felt myself travelling further and further away from them, floating far above the earth. It felt like an eternity but I was happy, free, flying on the wind. I had left the world where demons existed and I had no worries or cares, just unimaginable bliss.

**BAM! **

I felt like I had been punched in the chest and I felt myself falling.

**BAM!**

Another smack in the chest, and I felt more pain come back to me. I was falling faster now, too fast. I didn't wasn't to go back, I struggled, attempting to stop falling.

"For fucks sake, NATALIE!" the yell thundered around my head.

**BAM!**

I was falling so fast I was dizzy. Until, suddenly I slammed into the ground, pain flooded through my body and I felt my body jolt. I leaned over and coughed, blood and vomit leaving my body. My eyes blurred as I passed out, fainting with exhaustion.

oOo

James looked down at Natalie; her hair was matted with blood and she was deathly white. Her heart had stopped beating but Madame Pomfrey hadn't given up. "Mr. Potter!" she cried, "Help me. The rest of you wait outside." The boys shouted in process but she glared at them and they decided it was best for them to do as the matron said. James rushed over to her and looked pleadingly at her, wanting her to tell him what to do. "I need you to block her nose with your fingers, open her mouth, tilt her head back and cover your mouth with hers, blowing your air into her lungs." James ran around the opposite side of the bed to Pomfrey and began to do what she told him. "When I shout move, you must move away from Miss Delano at once and make sure you are not touching her. Do you understand?" James nodded, firmly placing his mouth on Natalie's and breathing out, watching her chest heave slightly. "Good. Good" Madame Pomfrey called. "Now, MOVE!" she yelled. James jumped backwards as the matron pointed her wand at Natalie's chest, watching as a jet of purple light was omitted out of her wand. Natalie's body jolted as if she had been shocked. "You can start again." James methodically did his job, trying not to think about what would happen if Natalie didn't respond soon. "Move." Madame Pomfrey cried again.

James pumped more air into her willing for her heart to beat. "For fucks sake, NATALIE!" he screamed. Madame Pomfrey shocked her one last time, before she gasped in air and began to cough out the blood in her lungs, soaking the white bed sheets red. She promptly threw up the entire contents of her stomach, which still was mostly blood and then fell backwards onto the bed, unconscious. James let out a sigh of relief and fell to the floor.

oOo

"Natalie? Darling?" I woke to the sound of my mother's voice. I opened my bleary eyes and my vision swam before my eyes until I focused on her sad face. I felt the tears pour down my cheeks as I looked at her. She started sobbing and I joined her, "I'm so sorry, Natalie." She cried, throwing herself onto me, hugging me close. "I've missed you so much."

"I missed you to, Mum" I croaked, wiping the tears off my face and hugging her close.

I had woken up the day before after being unconscious for three days. Madame Pomfrey had used all of her knowledge to bring me back. James had not left me since the incident except to clean my blood of his ruined robes and to let my mother speak with me.

Mum wiped her eyes and blew her nose before turning to me and smiling weakly. "Your father wants you transferred to Beauxbatons. He was afraid an attack like this would happen." She said quietly, looking regretfully down at her shoes. I froze in shock; no they couldn't do this to me.

"Mum. It was my fault." I cried.

"No honey, none of this is your fault." She whispered.

"No, mum. Really. I insulted the bloke and punched him in the face. Okay? I started the fight and it had nothing to do with you or dad." I blurted out, nearly hyperventilating at the thought of leaving.

Mum looked at me sceptically. "I thought you didn't remember who attacked you." She said.

I scratched the back of my head, nervously. I hadn't wanted to get Snape expelled, I'm not that mean, and so I had told Pomfrey that I didn't see who attacked me.

"Err..." I mumbled, "You see the thing is..." I had no way of getting out of this one.

"I want the boy expelled, Natalie." She hissed, "Tell me his name." I kept my mouth shut and shook my head. "Natalie Athena Delano." She warned.

I opened my mouth to speak but was saved from lying to her by the appearance of James. I beamed at him and he smiled nervously back at me, giving me a 'your-crazy' look. My mother huffed and passed me a pamphlet about Beauxbatons, trying to make me change my mind. With that gesture she left, pausing to give me a kiss on the forehead and hugged James on her way out.

He sauntered over to me, grinning like an idiot. I propped myself up more on my bed and waited for him to speak. He did no such thing; instead he picked up the brochure and began to read, snorting as he read humorous sentences. "_The Academy has existed for over seven hundred years. The glittering palace is __unplottable__, so no Muggles or even wizards from rival schools can find it on a map, and then it is disguised so that no one can really see it unless they know to look for it. Students are serenaded while they dine by choirs of wood nymphs. At Christmas time the dining hall is adorned with great, non-melting ice sculptures. The students travel in flying horse-drawn carriages. The carriage doors are embossed with the golden coat of arms and opened to reveal golden steps. The horses also are golden-coloured, with red eyes, and are fed on single-malt whiskey._ What a load of rubbish." He said, scrunching up the pamphlet and throwing it over his shoulder. I chuckled at his antics and watched amused as he turned to me and grinned a mischievous grin. "You won't have to go away." He whispered, "I'll talk to your dad. He'll come round."

I shook my head at him but he silenced me with a look. "Now." He said, "I think it's about time you got out of this hell-hole they call a hospital wing." He smirked at me and I pulled the covers back from my bed, eager to leave the horrible place. I was fully healed, magic was amazing in that sense, and I couldn't see Madame Pomfrey objecting to my absence. He grinned again and knocked on the matrons office door, entering. I waited for five minutes until they finally left the room. Madame Pomfrey came over to me holding five flasks of potions.

"Drink these then you may leave, Natalie." She said kindly.

I knocked them back and felt immediately ten times stronger, grinning I stood up and waltzed out of the hospital wing, James following behind me.

oOo

The scalding shower beat down on me as my body convulsed in sobs. I slid down the wall curling my legs up to my chest and letting the water rush over me. The fight with Snape had shaken me. I hadn't really thought about the consequences of punching him, I hadn't thought about the consequences of any of my actions. I had kissed James; my best friend while I was irrevocably in love with his best friend as he was with mine. Our relationship would be ruined, undeniably awkward and uncomfortable. I had fainted more times than I could remember within the space of four weeks and I had no idea why I was having visions of all this pain and suffering. My visions were scaring me, I had no way to control when they happened or what I saw; most of which scarred me forever. I had no one to confide in, that being my own fault, but I could never imagine how they would act. Even in the wizarding world it is not common to get visions.

I felt more alone than ever, my parents had decided to make me move schools but were still only relatively concerned with my safety. Sirius and lily were angry at me, I blamed them for that. My brother was an arrogant prick who had made it his life's mission to ruin mine.

I sat there in the shower trying to understand where the old Natalie had gone. Where was that carefree girl who's life motto was "fuck it!"? what had happened to her and why couldn't I get her back?

I needed to try harder. I was going to make up with lily and tell her she could have a glorious time fucking my brother but shouldn't come crying to me when he dumped her. I was going to tell Sirius that he as being unreasonable and that he should grow up and accept life as it came; not be so bitter about it. Look out, seems as though Natalie Delano is taking control of her life and doing something productive with her time.

I cleaned my body of the blood and sweat that was left over from the fight and turned the taps off, securing a towel around me. Amelia was waiting for me when I got out.

"You are so stupid, you know that right?" she said her face pale and full of relief.

"I know." I whispered. She hugged me tightly, tears cascading down her face.

"They wouldn't let us come see you. They only let in James and your family." Her voice cracked as she tried to hold in the sobs. "We thought you were dead."

"Oh, Amelia!" I cried. Kissing her forehead, "I'm so sorry." I was nearly crying myself. I grabbed a change of clothes and walked back into the bathroom, dressing and drying my hair. "Come on." I said taking her hand. "Let's go get some food and chocolate." She smiled and let me lead the way down to the kitchens. I was glad to call Amelia a friend, even if she was slightly ridiculous and was always worrying.

We reached the kitchens and found the marauders occupying one table. On our entrance they all stood up, running to us and enveloping us in hugs.

"We're so glad you ok." Remus said, hugging me once more.

I shrugged, "what's life without a few near death experiences?" They shook their heads and I laughed, "Come on, guys. It was a joke."

Sirius chuckled, "I'm thinking we should have a little party; to celebrate your release from the clutches of the matron!"

There was a chorus of cheers and it was settled. It would be a night to remember.

oOo

**ARGH! I'm SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! I'm a terrible person and I beg your forgiveness! The next chapter will be less heavy and more sassy! **


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine:

_It's like forgetting the words,_

_To your favourite song,_

_You can't believe it,_

_You were always singing along._

_It was so easy, _

_And the words so sweet,_

_You can't remember, _

_You try to feel the beat._

_~ Regina Spektor, Eet._

I was having a good week. Sirius seemed to have forgiven me for the harsh things I said, I myself had almost forgiven him. I was happy as Lily had seen my near death as a wakeup call and come crying for forgiveness, she still hadn't dumped my git of a brother but I could handle that. I found myself spending a lot more time with James than before as well; he sat next to me in classes and basically did my homework for me, which was great because he was much better than I at transfiguration. The highlight, however, was when I saw the pale, frightened face of Severus Snape. He had been very nearly soiling himself with worry that I would tell Madame Pomfrey he had cursed me, this is had used to my advantage and let him sweat it out for an extra couple of days before warning him that if he ever tried anything like that again, against anyone, I would not hesitate to take the matter to the ministry and he would be chucked into Azkaban for using un licensed spells and attempted murder. After that threat I had not seen so much as a filthy, grease ridden hair off his head.

I walked down to dinner, by myself for once, wandering the halls, taking my time. I had not had a vision since the fight with Snape and it puzzled me. It wasn't as if I wanted them to come back I just thought it peculiar and unbelievably good luck. Of course I was still plagued with nightmares of the terrible things I had seen, yet not having to see more was a god send, it seemed too good to be true. I just needed a place to clear my head, the thought was running around my mind as I wandered aimlessly, I may have been going in circles but I didn't care. I turned into an empty classroom and sat down on one of the desks, watching my legs swing freely. My appetite wasn't as large as I had thought, my questioning mind hungry for answers, but I had no information. I could try the library but I knew what I would find; information on seers, legends and myths. I put my elbows on my knees and rested my head in my hands, massaging my temples. Why couldn't life be easy?

"Natalie?" a voice called from the doorway. "Lee-lee?"

I sighed and lifted my head a fraction to look at him. He was hesitating in the doorway a pained expression on his face. We both knew our relationship had changed since the beginning of the year, and now we were stuck in this awkward state that nothing could fix. Why had I let myself be so stupid to risk what I had with him?

"Come in, Jay." I sat up, leaning with my hands rested behind me.

"I thought you were crying." He said striding into the room, stopping himself abruptly when he got within three feet of me. I felt myself laugh humourlessly; he was even making the distance of our relationship physical.

"Nah," I murmured, "Just came to clear my head."

He nodded, "What were you thinking about?"

I sighed, I didn't have the energy to confront this issue now but it was clear that I must. "Life, friends, family, enemies, death, you." I muttered.

"So basically you were contemplating existence?" he chuckled. "Well how about I help." He pulled a desk in front of the one I was sitting on and leant against it. There was still space in between us but it was more comfortable now. "Let's start with the easy topic."

I scoffed, "Which one? Have your pick." I watched him as he thought carefully. It wasn't as if I didn't find James attractive; he was really quite, his torso was definitely pleasing; his white shirt was a little see through and I could see the large arm muscles that he developed from Quidditch. I could imagine him holding me with those arms and crushing me against his chest. The thought of kissing him again sent an excited tremble into my stomach.

"You said you were thinking about me." He murmured, breaking me out of my reverie, his eyes were cast down to the floor.

I leant forward, leaning my forearms on my thighs, "Yes." I whispered.

He looked up at me through his eyelashes self-consciously. "What about me?" he whispered back.

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip, "Everything." I mumbled.

I heard him push off the desk and close the gap between us. He lifted my head up to look at him; his hazel eyes were worried, full of questions. I wanted to answer them all and to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. I lifted a hand to do so but stopped knowing that if I did so things between us would change catastrophically. His hand was still on my chin, grasping it gently. He leant forward and pressed a kiss onto my lips. I stared up at him in shock, he looked defiant and passionate. My brain was trying to process the recent information; James had kissed me, without any influence of alcohol or other substances. I tried to tell myself it was all a trick but my stomach fluttered and I wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled his face to mine once more.

His arms went around my back and pulled me against him, snaking one hand behind my head and into my hair. We kissed furiously, our mouths locked, our tongues sliding. He tasted good, I couldn't describe the taste, I couldn't remember my name, all I knew was him. My other hand went into his hair, gripping it fiercely. He pushed me back across the desk, leaning his body on top of mine. I wrapped my legs around his hips and felt him harden against me. His hand that wasn't in my hair moved down my side, under my shirt, across my stomach. I pulled my face from his, panting, and pushed him off me.

"What the fuck" I asked hoarsely, my breath not yet under control, "Was that?"

He was standing across from me, panting as well, a smug smile on his face. "What?" he chuckled, "Never had a kiss before?" he sneered, playfully.

I glared, "Oh control yourself." I snapped.

The grin was wiped from his face, replaced with a bewildered look. "What?" he croaked.

"Don't look so smug, this isn't the first time it's happened." I sneered.

"I know but last time we were drunk," He muttered. "Next time won't be so -"

"Next time?" I cut in. "There won't be a next time."

I hated the look on his face when I said this, unbelievable pain; he never had been one to hide his emotions, but there couldn't be a next time. I wanted things back to the way they were before, when it was easier. I couldn't tell him about my visions, I had family mess to sort through and the added pressure of him would make me explode. Also there was the small fact he was in love with my best friend and I his. I knew we would never last, the moment Lily considered dating him would mean the end of our relationship. I had to think of myself, self preservation was the key; letting James in would only create more problems for me, I would fall in love with him and he would leave me.

"I don't understand." He frowned, confusion in his eyes.

"I can't do this James." I cleared my throat and stood up.

"But you kissed me back." He said, his confusion turning to frustration.

I turned back to look at him, "It was just a kiss." I said coldly, turning back to walk out of the room.

"No." He whispered, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back to him.

"Let go of me." I hissed. He dropped my hand as if he had been burnt and I walked towards the door.

"Nat," he called. I turned back once more and found him far too close. "You kissed me back." He breathed. I couldn't move, his body was too close, I felt myself back away but he followed, keeping the distance. My back found a wall and he used it to his advantage; pressing against me, leaving me no way to escape, not that I had any intention of doing so. My resolve vanished and I felt myself tremble as his nose brushed mine. The kiss was tender and light; not at all satisfying.

I leant towards him but he pulled his face away slightly, not letting our lips touch. I became frustrated at his teasing and grabbed his jaw, pressing his lips to mine in another breathtaking kiss.

oOo

I couldn't stop thinking about him. My mind kept replaying the scene in my head over and over, I was consumed. I hadn't spoken to James outside of our group since the kiss, which was seventeen hours and twenty three minutes ago. I was down in the kitchens, eating my way through another serving of trifle; the bottle of port next to my bowl. I took a long drink, trying to distract myself, as I heard the door open. I sneaked a peek over my shoulder at the figure in the doorway; Sirius.

"Hey, Nat." He called, striding over and sitting on the chair across from me. My stomach erupted in butterflies, a grin working its way onto my face.

"Hey." It was our first proper conversation since the fight and I couldn't help but be overjoyed at the attention.

"You know, you're going to drink yourself to an early grave." He chuckled picking up the bottle and taking a swig.

I laughed, "Yeah, but what a way to go." I knew I had a slight drinking problem but, then again, I learned from him.

"Too right." He sniggered. He looked up at me, his grey eyes searching. I found myself staring into them, getting lost in my thoughts. I was still far too attracted to him, every time I looked at him I couldn't help but imagine him catching my lips in a passionate kiss. "What's got you confused this time?" he asked.

I broke out of my day dream and my mind went immediately to James. I felt bad; he would always come second best to Sirius, no matter what. I couldn't help it, I loved James; loved kissing James, but how could I ever fall out of love with Sirius Black. Everything about him appealed to me; his dark brown hair that fell in his eyes, his chiselled jaw, those deep fathomless grey eyes, his tall muscular body. I was almost drooling just looking at him. Nobody else compared, and it hurt that he would never see me that way. I would forever be, Natalie, his childhood friend, but James and I had something. Was I willing to give that up? I had a chance to be happy, even if it as bound to end, a chance to be with someone who actually reciprocated my feelings. No, I decided there would be no more unrequited love for me. If only turning those feelings off was so easy.

"Nat?" Sirius asked, worried this time.

"What? Oh, nothing. I think I sorted it. Thanks Sirius." I smiled and left the kitchen, the bottle and the feelings left behind me. I wish it was that easy.

oOo

"Nat." Someone hissed in my ear, "Nat!" I felt a sharp poke in my rib. I jerked awake, as professor McGonagall turned to look at me. I smiled guiltily and for a moment I swore she almost grinned back at me, before glaring. I heard James chuckle beside me and I dug an elbow into his side, taking pleasure from his pained gasp as it connected. The bell rang and I packed my things slowly.

James pinched my bum on his way out and gave a wink. I tried to stop myself from grinning but failed miserably.

"What's got you smiling like that?" Amelia said a sly look upon her face.

"Smiling like what?" I countered the grin still in place.

Amelia glared at me playfully. "You know what smile you plonker. The one that says tonight I'm gonna get a real good fu-"

"Miss summers." McGonagall cried. "I do not tolerate that kind of language in my classroom. Out. Now." She shooed us from the room muttering about children these days. I mean come on, she's not that much older than us.

As soon as we got round the corner we burst into a fit of hysterics. Five minutes later we were sitting on the floor wiping away tears of laughter and clutching our stomachs.

"What the hell are you doing?" we turned to see Remus and James approaching hesitantly looking at us like we were crazy, which was probably a fair assumption. I looked back at Amelia and burst into another fit of laughter, her following my lead.

"Right..." James muttered. After another few minutes the boys got fed up and lifted us to our feet, but we couldn't look at each other without bursting into giggles. "We need to separate them."

"Right." Remus said. "So..."

James sighed, "You take summers. I'll take the mad one."

"Cheers." Remus said relieved.

I would have taken offense to that if I hadn't been completely delirious from lack of oxygen. Remus put his arm around Amelia and led her off towards the library. Still giggling I leant against James to keep myself upright. "You know I'm not going to carry you." He warned. I nodded, still giggling yet I had more oxygen now. I stepped forward and would have fallen if James hadn't of caught me. "You're hopeless." He sighed and picked me up and swung me over his shoulder, carrying me fireman's style. This made me scream and giggle more but I couldn't help the rush of pleasure I got when he touched me.

"Where are we going?" I asked when I had calmed down a little, I was still giggling occasionally but that was only when I remembered the look on McGonagall's face.

"You'll see." James said cryptically.

He carried me up four flights of stairs until we got to the seventh floor. "You know, people are going to see this and think something suspicious is going on." I warned him.

"Nah" he replied, "Everyone knows you're bonkers." I hit him on the bum making a resounding smack. I giggled, "Ouch." James hissed. "You're gonna pay for that one."

"You love it." I murmured.

"Too right." He muttered.

oOo

He finally stopped outside a blank bit of wall, pacing in front of it. "Okay. So as fun as this is... let's just leave?" I said staring at him, who was the mad one now, eh? Suddenly, from the blank bit of wall a door emerged. Amazed I pushed it open to find James' room, his one from our childhood. Everything was there; the old trunks full of toys, the shelves with pirate ships and treasure covering them, the deep mahogany boat we used to sleep in instead of using the bed. I ran into the room, spinning around, taking all the sights in. The blue wallpaper was still chipped from where we hit it with a sword, the sword hung up on the wall next to the shelf of treasure. I felt my eyes prick with tears at the familiar sight.

"Do you like it?" James asked from behind me.

I turned to him, tears rolling down my face. I ran at him and jumped into his arms planting a firm kiss on his lips before hugging him. "It's just like I remembered." I whispered.

"Almost." He said, opening a large door in the side of the room. "I added a few things." He pulled the blankets and pillows from the bed and put them into the boat before sliding it out the door and into the lake beyond. I ran after him, laughing, my arms wide. He was standing in the boat, waiting for me; he caught me as I jumped into his arms.

"Let's go swimming." I cried.

He laughed, "We don't have bathers, Lee." He said, slowly as if he were talking to eight year old me.

"Course we do." I unbuttoned my white top and pulled it off. He was sitting on the blankets watching me, a smirk plastered onto his face. I threw the top at his head while I muttered, "Perve." I pulled off my stockings and shoes along with my skirt and raised an eyebrow at him. "You coming?" he shook his head but gave a wave of his hand as if to say 'but by all means swim all you like.' I shrugged and dived into the water, it was cool and refreshing. I instantly felt calmer; all my worries seemed to drift away.

It was all interrupted when a huge splash sounded in my ears and I felt water hit my face. I attempted to ignore him but he swam up beside me and pulled me into a hug.

"I was relaxing," I huffed, but grinning at him.

He grinned cheekily back and sunk under the water, swimming out of sight. I sighed, guessing he was going to try and scare me into thinking he had drowned and started swimming back to the boat, which was now quite far away.

I heard the lap of waves behind me and turned expecting to see James, but was pulled under instead. I resurfaced spluttering and coughing the water from my lungs to see James roaring with laughter and pointing at me. Glaring, I turned and pulled myself into the boat, I was furious, the stupid idiot could have drowned me and all he was doing was laughing. I reached for my clothes and wand, drying myself with a swish and redressing.

"Come on, Lee" he whined, "It was just a bit of fun." I turned to give him a piece of my mind when I blacked out.

oOo

_I was in the middle of London, the streets were lined with muggles, and each one looked more terrified than the next. The whole street was silent except for the footsteps of the death eaters and the occasional whimper of a Muggle. It was just getting dark and the air contained a chill, walking down the middle of the street were hooded men, cloaked in black the shadows obscuring their features. I didn't know what they had planned but I knew what I saw would not be pleasant. Then I saw him, walking slowly down the middle of the road, staring in disgust at the muggles. "You may not know me, filth," He spoke, his cold high voice travelling through the silence. "But you will fear me. After this night there will be no more questions of my power. Every man, woman, child of pure or filthy blood will know my name. Lord Voldemort has risen, and he is capable of achieving your nightmares." He waved his hand and the muggles screamed in pain as torture curses flew at them from all sides, many were already dead and most were close to it. I tried not to watch but I could pull my face away from the massacre. I felt the anger stir in my belly as a young girl fell to her death; her blood soaking the curb, reaching for my wand I attempted to send a curse at Voldemort. He flicked it away with ease and turned to face me. I froze to the spot, trying to comprehend what I had just done. Voldemort cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. I felt a sharp prodding at in my mind and I fell out of the vision. _

oOo

I knew what I had done was incredibly stupid and irresponsible but I couldn't take it back. I had let the most powerful man; if you could call him that, in the country know that I knew what he was doing. "Hello sister." A familiar snarl sounded to my right, and I felt James tense beside me. I had woken up in the blankets on the boat, a dripping James leaning over me dreadfully concerned about what had happened. I had spun a lie about not having enough iron in my diet and that I just needed a little sleep, to get myself back to the dormitory but I knew things would never go that smoothly for me.

"Do I really have to tell you to fuck off, Noah? Or can you do that yourself now?" I muttered, not having the energy to deal with the git at that time.

"I was just wondering if it had happened yet." He drawled, looking nonchalantly down at his nails.

"If what's happened?" I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had caught my interest but I knew this was the only way to get whatever he wanted to say out of him.

"I was just wondering if you'd _seen_ anything strange lately. That's all." He took my shocked expression as confirmation and smirked before stalking off around the corner. How the hell did my brother know about my visions? I was in deep shit.

**A/N: so this is chapter nine, the plot thickens. I'm going to be M.I.A for a few weeks coz I have exams but I'm sure I will write more than I should as a tool of procrastination. So please leave me reviews! I love to hear your feedback. **


	10. NOTE FROM WRITER

Sorry guys but I'm undergoing some serious editing atm but I should be back soon. I'm just not as happy with it as I want to be. Leave me reviews on how to change it and criticism if you could please. Until then I will be slaving away trying to make this better haha.

Stay with me


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